


Harry can't you see? You're just not the boy for me.

by dolliedear, NihaNaptime



Series: The Fatal Foursome [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: ! As he deserves, ?? feeling that tag, Basically, Cho Chang's name is Eun-Hae, Dirty Jokes, Everybody Lives, F/M, Family Bonding, Healthy Relationships, Heathy Family Dynamic, How Do I Tag, James Potter Lives, Jokes, Lily Evans Potter Lives, M/M, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Mentions of shagging parents, Multi, Not sexually, Oh boy tag time, Polyamory, Redeemed Draco Malfoy, Teasing, are you even dating?, if you cant joke about fucking your partners parents, past crushes, poly relationships run in the family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:53:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26686192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dolliedear/pseuds/dolliedear, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NihaNaptime/pseuds/NihaNaptime
Summary: After the mortifying event of James Potter walking in on Harry and Hermione arguing over whether she has shagged James or not, The Fatal Foursome and The Marauders decide that teasing each other is quite amusing.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter/Ron Weasley, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin/James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Series: The Fatal Foursome [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826752
Kudos: 35





	1. The Unfortunate Luck of Walking in on Something You Shouldn't Have Heard

**Author's Note:**

> hey! long time no see uhm.. haha me and niha have been real busy discussing this au again so here's uh.. this. it was a lot of fun to write with her and i laughed almost every time she sent her reply to what i wrote. title is from stacy's mom by fountains of wayne.

"MIONE, STOP SAYING YOU'RE MY MOTHER AND STOP _IMPLYING_ THAT YOU HAVE SEX WITH MY FATHER!"

"I'M NOT 'IMPLYING' ANYTHING. I ADMITTED IT!"

Draco and Ron sitting together on Harry's bed trying to ignore them, reading a French book (— which Ron will _never_ admit he honestly doesn't know how to read it but Draco's mumbling little translations for him) before James comes stumbling in. Head first into the argument because he thought something serious was going on. His hand frozen on the doorknob as what was being said hit him like a gush of cold wind in the face.

Harry and Hermione quickly shut up and snapped their heads towards the door, Harry's face morphing into one of total shock much like his father's. Hermione has now turned away, her face red, towards her other two boyfriends, who were trying not to laugh at her.

James's mouth opened and closed like a gaping fish before he croaked out, "I'll see you at dinner," and slammed the door behind him.

* * *

Mortification. That is the simplest explanation for this.. awkward event. 

The Fatal Foursome had crept downstairs for dinner a while after the _incident_ , having to almost drag Hermione by her arms. Their hushed arguing (“I can just go back home!” “‘Mione, it isn’t that big of a deal,”) was growing louder by the second until they stood in the dining room doorway. 

Sirius looked up from his conversation with Remus and his eyes lit up. Fortunately for ‘Mione’s sake, Remus had put his hand over the man’s mouth and kept him quiet. Lily was staring at the foursome with amusement while James wasn’t even looking at all. 

No words were said. They all took their seats and their plates and quietly dug in, the only sound in the room being the forks scratching against the plates. Hermione jumped out of surprise when she felt someone kick her but traced the direction to Harry, squinting at him. 

She kicked him back.

He did the same. 

Footsies wasn’t just a game. It was war. They kept at it for another minute or so until, _finally_ , Ron slammed his fork down and blurted, “are we going to talk about Hermione saying she fucked Harry’s dad or not?” 

“RONALD WEASLEY!” She slammed her hands down as she rose from her seat, damn close to launching herself over the table to suffocate him. Almost everyone in the group had burst into shocked and amused laughter aside from Draco and James who both choked on their food. 

“What?!” Ron threw his hands up and scoffed, “it’s not _that_ bad! Harry says the same shit about your dad, bloody hell!” 

Harry finally stopped laughing, face paling. Goddamnit, had he seriously been dragged into this in front of his parents? 

“You know,” Lily cut in, mischievously looking between them, “James was quite infatuated with a girl who had a time turner during our sixth year.. it wouldn’t surprise me if—“

The rest of her sentence was drowned out by Sirius’ barking laughter. Hermione and James stared at Lily with her mouths agape. Merlin’s beard, how is she going to stay in this house after this. 

Harry finally stood up and took Hermione by the shoulders, turning her and walking her to the exit. “Once you’re all done embarrassing my girlfriend,” Bold words for a man who participated, “we’ll come back down. But for now, I need her to give up her time turner so I can make sure she’s no longer—“ 

“HARRY!” Hermione wailed, covering her face with her hands. He snickered and continued to lead her out of the room and back upstairs.

* * *

It took a hot minute for James to get over the incident. But once he did? Oh, it was so over for everyone else. 

Had Sirius been bitchy and moody because his precious Moony had also been bitchy due to the full moon? Well, James responded to that whine of ‘you’re the ugly one of us’ with, “and yet everyone still finds _me_ the hottest — right Hermione?” 

She was never going to live it down. Lily wasn’t any help either. In fact, Lily was _worse_ than James. How had everyone spoke about her as if she were an uptight prude? The lady had nearly the same humor as her husband.. just without the pranking and support of child endangerment. 

This house will forever be a living hellhole.

Whenever Hermione came down upset about something, Lily teased her with, “well, shouldn't I get my husband to cheer you up? I didn’t expect the affair, of course, but—“ and Hermione cuts her off by giggling and wiping her face dry.

Hermione might just had let it slip that  maybe possibly Harry had told The Fatal Foursome he had a huge crush on Tom Riddle for a good two years and Lily took it and _ran_. 

She told her boyfriends and the next time Harry sees his family, he's bombarded by Sirius first, "YOU WANTED TO FUCK YOUNG VOLDEMORT?"

Harry stares at Hermione in _betrayal_. He knows she said it. She stares back. 

“He went into graphic detail once,” Hermione crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair, spinning to face Sirius, “I think he also had a thing for Regulus? That might’ve been Ron, too..” 

And now the ginger is brought into it. “Bloody hell, Hermione, why me?! You’re the one who saw a picture of James and practically drooled over it!” 

“At least I didn’t help Harry plan out his _night_ with Tom Riddle!” 

And .. there goes the back and forth. Draco leaned forward on his arms with a small smirk. They ain’t got shit on him.

Draco speaks up though because he knows he's untouchable, "'Mione, my darling, correct me if I'm wrong but... Professor Lockheart? You _did_ have a thing for him, yes?"

Hermione went still, a finger still pointed at Ron while she leans over the table during their argument. James and Sirius pulled the same bitter face at the name while Remus and Lily looked away. Suspiciously, the red headed adult was a bit flustered as well. 

“Draco, _dear_ ,” ‘Mione turned to him, her hands clasped together in front of herself, “I thought we swore to never _speak about it_.” 

Ronald speaks up from his side of the table, lazily grinning, “but he’s right! You were damn near in love with the bloke, don’t act like you weren’t.” 

Harry finally noticed the faces the others pulled and squinted. “What? Did Mum have a crush on Professor Lockheart or something?” 

“What? No, no, of course not-“ 

“She did!” James groaned, slumping down in his chair, “She dated him! They _s_ _nogged_ at Madam Puddifoot’s and I poured my butterbeer over his head,”

Harry gaped at his parents, "Mum!" Then, he scanned he table and saw Remus also looked away and, "Moony!?"

Draco was sat by his side, trying his best not to laugh at his poor boyfriend, as he comfortingly rubbed his back. Ron was chuckling and Hermione just looked all the more mortified.

Hermione put her hands over her face. This honestly felt like a less dramatic and less painful Yule Ball mess up. 

Lily sent a nasty glare at James and resisted to use her oh-so-famous insult of ‘you bloody arrogant toerag’. At least the group of horrible boyfriends was.. well, passed down a generation.

Sirius eventually spoke up, "Wait, Draco didn't have any embarrassing crushes?"

Harry shook his head, "The most we got out of him was him having a crush on Cedric but who didn't?"

“I’m sure we were close to asking him to date us,” Hermione murmured from behind her hands, slipping down further into her seat. 

Lily inwardly hissed. “Well, his father _was_ attractive in our school years..” 

“She would know,” Remus finally spoke, “She dated him for a few weeks. Before he dumped her and had a thing with Sirius.” 

“Are you _siriusly_ ,” the entire table groaned, “still upset about that?” Sirius turned back to him and narrowed his eyes.

“No, of _course_ not, absolutely not.” Remus copied his pose and leaned a bit forward.

James chucked but he tried to mask it with a cough before speaking, "Moony, love," —What was up with James and Draco being sweet before they embarrassed people?— "you had your fair share of messing around before you and Sirius got your head out of your asses. Do I have to remind you of that time you pulled me into a closet before class? Or the time you used your 'all the teachers love me' pass to get us into and empty classroom? _Or_ when you would hang all over me if Padfoot and my darling wife were around?"

Harry was so close to leaving, so close. Why was his parents relationship so similar to him and his partners?

“You know, Hermione’s got a thing for quidditch players,” Ron realized, tapping the table, “and guess who played quidditch? James Potter.” 

“Ron!” 

“She must have seen that award of James’ and gone wild,” He continued, “and when Harry caught the snitch? She was done for! When I got the team? That’s when her crush must’ve built. And let’s not forget Viktor Krum—“ 

“—who she still keeps in touch with—“ 

“—and plans to visit.” 

Her three boyfriends stared her down. Hermione sunk down into her seat until her head was the only thing above the table. Ron was quite obviously the most jealous while Draco and Harry were.. mostly amused. 

“She did tell me that Krum was a good dancer when we had our talk,” Lily hummed, “and besides, quidditch players are attractive, you can’t blame her. The beaters for the Hufflepuff team really caught my eye..” 

“Lily, love, don’t you mean the Gryffindor seeker?” James smiled proudly and looked between her and the rest of the table. 

“What?” She blinked, “No, no, I mean the Hufflepuff beaters. They were quite attractive - and great personalities, too.”

Harry carried on, "And Draco _was_ the seeker for Slytherin for a year, chaser for three years after that."

Draco nodded, "'Mione, love, it seems that you do have a type. I was quite good friends with Fleur during her stay at Hogwarts and she told me she saw you sneaking away with Krum multiple times. I'm surprised and hurt you didn't fancy my French darling. Beauxbatons doesn't have a Quidditch team but she was an excellent chaser and seeker, much like Ginny."

Ron let out a barking laugh at that and James, sort of, regained his confidence after he deflated in his chair. He hummed something along the lines "Hmm, the Ravenclaw seeker too. Seems to fit her type," which Harry added, "Eun-hae, dad! Her name!"

Hermione let out a loud groan and sat up in her seat, an evident pout on her face. Had it suddenly become make fun of Granger day? She sent a shocked and betrayed glance towards James - though, she knew it was coming .. eventually. 

“Bloody hell, what do you expect me to say? Yes, all my partners and crushes have been quidditch players! Yes, Krum was an amazing kisser, and yes, Eun-hae was a better shag than you, _Potter_.” She sent an individual glare towards everyone in the room before blinking and realizing - ah. She hadn’t ever mentioned Eun-hae before. 

Well, shit. Ron stared at her, mouth agape, and tried to make it process correctly in his head. It didn’t process correctly. Instead, his mouth just made out the words, “so Draco and I are better shags than the both of them?”

Saying Draco was embarrassed by the previous statement was an understatement, he covered his face and yelled, "I've never shagged 'Mione! We are at the dinner table _please!_ "

Harry was in a fit of laughter, "Yeah, Ron, he's right. Hermione is the one who does the shagging in that relationship."

Sirius and James were cackling up and looked almost like they were proud. Lily cradled her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking, evident she was laughing and Remus had a hand over his mouth, hiding a grin.

Draco was slumped down in his seat now.

Finally, the teasing was directed towards someone else — _mainly_ someone else. Hermione put a hand over her face during her short burst of laughter before she leaned forward, quite proud, and made the bold comment of, “He quite likes it when I take control of things. Harry, love, can you see if Lucius is the same? I know you’ve been itching for a chance to test it out.” 

Ron’s head fell onto the table with a ‘bang!’ as he choked and laughed at the same time, hitting himself on the leg. The poor guy hadn’t stopped laughing during this entire dinner. Much love to him, but his turn to get defensive would come soon. 

The Marauders, minus Lily, were pulled out of their laughter immediately. “NO-“ Sirius waved his hands and his head at the same time, “No, no - I can deal with jokes about Prongs, but if I hear one single joke about Lucius Malfoy’s dick, I swear..”

Draco stared ahead, mortified. Had he seriously just heard his girlfriend suggest to his boyfriend to _shag his father?_ And then Sirius talking about his father’s dick? 

“You are not going near my father, Potter,” He finally managed, two fingers coming up to massage his temple. 

Meanwhile, at the other end of the table, Lily was attempting to stop her near wheeze. “Did — Did you just give her permission to talk about James’ dick, Sirius?” 

And there comes another burst of giggles from the redhead.

Ron was still gasping for hair when he choked out, "Oh, that's quite alright, Dray, we can just have a go at your mom then."

_That_ sent Sirius into spiral again and much like Ron, started wheezing, "Can't imagine it'd be quite hard, women in the Black family are exceptionally up to a challenge."

"No! No, no, no, no, no! _None_ of you are going near my parents, ever! Can we please stop discussing shagging, especially if it's about my parents, at dinner!?" Draco had slumped even further in his chair, his face a beautiful shade of red

Harry chuckled, "So can we discuss shagging you, not your parents, then?"

"NO!"

The entire table was almost full of laughter again, besides Draco who was angrily looking at the table.

Hermione put a hand on her chest while she tried to regain her breath, letting out a few coughs, and spun in her seat to face their platinum blond boyfriend. “Draco, _love_ ,” She’s pulling his tactic, huh? “Aren’t you the one who brought up me sneaking around with Krum? I think I have full rights to talk about how Mrs. Malfoy braided my hair once we sat down and tried to bond. Ooh, or how she has such soft hands?” 

Ron snorted and added onto her words with, “don’t you remember how she gave each of us such a nice hug when we went to see Draco a few months ago? Lucius seemed pretty jealous that she was getting cozy with ‘Mione,” 

“Stop—“ 

“She’s always had nice hands,” Lily jumped in, raising her brows, “in school, she was nice to me — maybe a bit _too_ nice. Had a thing for giving favors,” 

Harry, who _was_ going to say something, just gaped at his mother. Had — What?

"Stop talking about my mother! Harry, do something! I don't talk about Lily that way!" Draco all but cried. He couldn't be bothered to be embarrassed about how his voice went up in a whine while he spoke.

James jumped in straight away though, "Lily is right though, very generous woman. I'm sure if Lucius hadn't taken up with her, Lily would have wormed her way into getting a ring on that finger."

Harry probably looked like a fish, his mouth opening and closing at his parents. His father did _n_ _ot_ just say that. His mother did _not_ just say that!

Remus and Sirius were both laughing, Remus more under his breath, "James, Lily, dears, I think you've left poor Harry speechless."

Hermione had winked at Draco before turning her attention back to the others. The attention not being focused on her surely allowed for her to be amused at the situation. 

“Well, I’m speechless for another reason, Professor,” The muggleborn clasped her hands together and continued, “How could Narcissa go for Lucius over Lily? A true beauty, she is, and with the added smarts and personality? I’d completely marry you in a split second.” 

James narrowed his eyes at Hermione. “And here we were, thinking you had a thing for _me_.”

“I never said you’d be uninvolved!” 

Ron let out an annoyed whine, close to getting up and switching seats for the girl’s attention. Oh, Ron, you easily jealous partner.

Lily was choking on laughter once again, "Hermione! I'm sure James is fine with sharing!"

This brought Harry out of his shocked state, "NO! No one is dating or shagging or _anything_ with my parents!"

Hermione giggled and gave Harry a 'this is payback' look, "Which ones, dear? As I recall, you have four."

Harry let his mouth drop open before yelling, "All of them!"

The Marauders and Hermione were laughing hard, Sirius nearly falling out of his seat onto the floor. Hermione's three beloved boyfriends sat there silently, contemplating dragging Hermione upstairs, since dinner was basically forgotten or making a scene right there.

Hermione, feigning disappointment, let out a sigh and sent a wistful look towards the Marauders. “Are you sure, Harry? I’m sure that I’d still have time for you lot.. well, maybe,” She waved her hand dismissively and held back her grin. 

James scoffed and shook his head, “You’d barely see those three! Too busy pranking Severus with us - your brains combined with Moony’s and Lily’s? We’re practically golden!” 

She pursed her lips at the idea of pranking. Well, for the sake of the bit.. “You’re right! And with Sirius’ need to break rules and my ability to get us out of trouble? Even if we committed murder, we’d skip by Azkaban easily. Partners in crime, dare I say?” 

“Okay, okay—“ Ron finally raised her hands in the air and glowered at the five scheming assholes in front of him, “—You already make us jealous with Krum, but Harry’s parents? ‘Mione, bloody hell,”

Draco nodded in along to Ron, "Not to mention Ginny as well, you guys are a force to be reckoned with..."

Sirius frowned at them, "Boys, boys, there's enough of Hermione to go around."

"Exactly."

"No! I love all of you but my girlfriend hitching up with my parents is not anything I ever want to witness— actually, fuck that, I never want it to happen," Harry stood from his seat and reached over to grab Hermione's arm.

Remus snorted, "Well, I suppose that means dinner is done."

Which is quite odd, leaving most of the plates half empty (besides Ron's. How he managed to eat between choking on laughter and having outbursts was amazing,) when usually, there was not single piece of food in sight after dinner.

Hermione rolled her eyes and eyed her barely eaten plate. She wasn’t really hungry, but she appreciated Remus cooking for them. And his looks. Wait, what? Sorry. 

She let Harry pull her up with a few mumbled complaints, their other two partners getting up as well. 

Sirius made an off handed comment of, “greedy,” causing Ron to make a vulgar motion in response. He broke out into another burst of laughter while rubbing his face, James patting his back while snickering. 

Though, as her boyfriends were leading her out of the room, she couldn’t help but wink at the Marauders and mouth ‘call me’. Lily nodded and gave a thumbs up. 

To Harry’s room they go.


	2. The Dreaded Aftermath of an Unfortunate Incident

The boys all but pulled Hermione into Harry's room, opting they were going give her the silent treatment.

The air was tense and they were all sitting on Harry's bed, Draco and Ron (mostly Draco) reading the book again. Harry had his head in the blonde's lap, Draco hand pushed into the boy's messy hair. Hermione was sitting awkwardly next to Ron, her head on his shoulder.

Draco was the one to speak up first, "Are we actually mad at her? I thought the entire thing was a bit amusing. Up until you guys brought up her shagging me," — which Hermione rolled her eyes and the other two looked at him and disbelief — "I don't like being mad at her."

"Of course, we're not mad at her! I just..." Harry rubbed at his face, "There's only so much flirting with my parents I can take."

Hermione quickly straightened up and turned to face Harry, her lips parted in — surprise? No, that was definitely a face she pulled when someone had _the audacity_. Ron scrunched his own face up and scooted backwards to avoid any yelling coming directly into his face. 

“You are such a bloody hypocrite!” She _nearly_ shouted incredulously, taking his glasses off his face and instead putting them on her head. “Are you going to gloss over when you told Ronald and Draco that dentists assisted people with _oral sex?_ And you bloody idiots believed it? And the entire time meeting my parents, Potter here kept making suggestive comments until I snapped?” 

“Dentists — they’re the muggle teeth healers, right?” At Hermione’s disbelieving glance and nod, he held his hands up in defense. “What? I was just making sure!”

"That's different, Hermione!" Harry cried out, "My parents were actively joining you in the fiasco!"

Draco stifled his laughter "I mean... Harry, she does have a point, love. You lot go after each other's parents like you're hippogriffs in heat, you honestly cannot be that upset. If anything, _I_ should be upset. I never talk about wanting to shag your guardians, yet you guys are all over my mother and father."

Ron barked out a laugh and Hermione pushed him. He would have fallen off if Draco didn't immediately grab onto him, accidentally pulling Harry's hair hard, which the golden bot whimpered in.. pain? ("You bloody well deserved that." "'Mione, I don't think that was a cry of pain. Sounded more li— OW! Bloody hell, Harry! Dray just pulled me back up!")

Hermione turned her nose up in the air at Harry while he glared at her.

“You never _talk_ about it, sure, but I’ve seen you send glances towards James a few times,” Ron snickered, throwing his arm around Hermione’s shoulders and tugging her into his side. She let out an exasperated sigh and snuggled into him. 

Their lovely Slytherin sent Ron a warning glance, closing the book with his finger on the page as to not lose his place. “Ronald, I do not glance at James like how you glance at Remus. I’ve only looked at him while’s he talking - which is the polite thing to do.. unlike shoveling your face with food and talking with it still in your mouth.” 

Hermione gave a snort and a small roll of her eyes. Opting to ignore Ron’s offended noise, she directed her glare back towards Harry and continued their earlier bout, “If you keep being such a twat, I’ll rightly go back downstairs to discuss with your parents.”

"I'm not being a twat, 'Mione!" Harry lifted up and flopped onto Draco, pouting, "Dray, tell her I'm not being a twat."

Draco took Harry's face in his hands and cooed, "Of course you're not being a twat. You're just being a whiney baby," This sparked a laugh from Ron. "Besides, James isn't even my type, he's not whiney enough."

"HEY! I'll kick your ass, Malfoy."

Draco look down at Harry and shook the boy's head with his hands, speaking in a baby voice, "Oh, really? Is that what the baby's gonna do?"

Ron was dissolving into laughter again, his shoulders shaking as he held onto Hermione.

Hermione scrunched up her face as she held back her laughter, swatting at Ron’s head gently. “The baby,” She answered for him, “is probably going to cry to his mummy, despite her fantasizing about me.” 

With a stretch, she pushed Ron off of her and nearly off the bed, standing up and going to Harry’s desk to grab her bag. She wasn’t leaving, of course, she just needed her wand. Hermione stuck her hand in and tried to find it until she gasped and jerked back. Something had _stabbed_ her hand. 

She grabbed at it and pulled it out, displeased, but froze when she saw it. A S.P.E.W badge. Turning it around in her hand, she gave a soft sigh and turned around to face her partners, holding it up for them to see. 

Ron gave an immediate groan. “Bloody hell, ‘Mione, don’t tell me you’re going to start all of this up again,”

"Hermione, as much as I love you, _dear_. I really don't think the best thing for us right now is for you to get heated about house elves, my love," Draco sounded tired (— He was. Since he was the one who had house elves his entire life, Hermione usually targets his household in her rants.)

Hermione pouted and Harry pushed his face into Draco's shoulder, anticipating the long rant of how bad house elves are treated still ( "I mean! Look at Kreacher!" "Hermione, we can't get him to leave. We don't even _need_ a house elf.") and how he and his beloved boyfriends should be marching into the ministry about it.

"'Mione, no offense but if you start this up, I'm going to snog you so hard, you forget your own name. We understand how house elves are treated— just please, babe, don't," Ron was trying his best to be considerate at least.

Hermione, flustered at Ron’s words, just completely ignored him. She forgot about her wand and sat on the desk, swinging her legs back and forth while staring at the badge with an almost sad, nostalgic look. 

“I’m not going to get heated, don’t worry,” She did want to, though, “but it’s just frustrating. ‘It’s in their nature to care for humans’! Do you understand how .. wrong that is? Human slaves had the same thing said about them. Discrimination isn’t just against one species. It’s manipulation that’s been going on for centuries. Do you truly believe the first house elf to be put to work for humans _wanted_ to? And that it wasn’t just beaten into it? Over time, they may have evolved into it, yes, but it wasn’t a natural thing. Slavery is never natural.

“What if it were the other way around? We were the ones who enjoyed working for house elves without breaks or a salary. Nobody would be against the oppressed getting their rights, then.” She fiddled with the badge for a few moments longer before putting it back into her bag, finally getting her wand out to lock the door and put a silencing charm on the room. 

It wasn’t for anything bad. She and Ron just didn’t trust any of the Marauders after .. the incident.

Draco's eyebrows furrowed, "Although I lived in a house with house elves, I don't know much about the creatures. I also don't know much about muggle history either. My father always told me that we couldn't get rid of house elves even if we wanted to, as they survived off of magic. Maybe that's untrue, we all know my father isn't a beacon of truth or the greatest man alive."

"Mm, I think he is the greatest man alive, he helped create my hot boyfriend," Harry spoke into Draco's shoulder.

Draco punched him.

"Ow! You wanker!"

Hermione frowned at the boys again.

"Babe, you know we love that you're passionate about it and if there was anything more we could be doing, we'd do it. But right now, you're coming back into this bed and maybe punching Harry as well," Ron made a grab at the muggleborn.

Harry let out a muffled offended "Hey!"

Hermione was _going_ to protest, but for once in Ronald Weasley’s life, he was correct. She let herself be tugged into bed and practically draped across his lap. Her eyes fixated on Harry. 

“Don’t,” He groaned, still muffled. His attempt of getting her to not hit him obviously failed.. as she swatted him on the head. “Ron, help,” Harry looked over at the redhead desperately, despite him being the one to send Hermione over to slap him. 

A traitor, Ron is, as he grabbed Hermione ‘round her waist and started to tickle her, ignoring her begs. She flailed wildly and tried to move his hands away. Draco got a kick to the side — which she got a rushed apology out for — and a kick to the knee. 

Ron really wasn’t helping any of them.


End file.
